searching for a former clarity

I highly doubt that Tom would write a song about Ian Curtis, of all people, on what was easily his most personal record.

Jozsa wrote:

I just realized I’ve never seen them play this live, nor can I find any videos of them playing it. Anybody know why?

Because it's the saddest song ever. I break down everytime I hear it. Hello itunes, SKIP

I've heard from a friend who said she saw them do it live and it was the most intense and moving thing she'd ever heard.

I bet it would be. I’d love to see them play it at a show.

I saw them play this 4 years ago and it was absolutely incredible. Best AM! performance I've ever seen.

Can you just try to put into words the way the crowd reacted? was the screaming overwhelming or did they almost quiet out just to experience it. I don't even know which way I'd react.

I would cry, snot would run down my face and I would have to leave, like in a hurry. I hope they never play it, I hate to feel too much

blake wrote:

soulphonate wrote:

It's about Ian Curtis of Joy Division. I win!

Didn't he commit suicide, how does that work?

Dammit, I don't win! Actually I was driving in my car listening to that song and thought of Ian Curtis for some reason. Then I just now read the lyrics and they don't fit. For some reason I thought he had some terrible disease instead of just epilepsy.

This might sound lame, but does anyone else think that the drum beat kind of sounds like a beating heart? To me it does. The way it ends just before Tom stops singing makes it seem like it’s the person’s heart beat.

"just" epilepsy :/

Someone said a while back about how Tom claims that Disco Before the Breakdown, Searching for a Former Clarity, and The Ocean are all connected. I think that's true.


Disco Before the Breakdown is essentially about some kind of "forbidden love". Maybe it's about Tom's. In all honesty, combined with the amazing breakdown by Zedeff, I think it is. The thing this love needs is a context. Who, what, how, where, when (There is no why).

"And I know they're going to laugh at us
when they, when they see us out together "holding hands" like this.
They wouldn't understand it if we told them all the reasons,
not that I think this deserves any kind of explanation.

And we'll, we'll make it up so we've got a smile painted on all the time,
no matter what it's like on the inside.
We'll keep this, keep us like a secret,
cause if my family and friends ever found out about
the things we could never be,
haunts we'll all keep, so fucking bittersweet."

Then you take Searching for a Former Clairty. Zedeff broke that down. He's been revealing himself, his emotions through his songs. Yet he [and Against Me!] gets bashed for "selling out" (I never got how Against Me! has sold out***). He starts to reveal more about that forbidden love from Disco Before the Breakdown. Maybe he has these feelings of homosexuality, or even transexuality..

Then there's the Ocean. He explicitly talks about wanting to be a woman, followed up by a fantasy/day dream:
"If I could have chosen, I would have been born a woman...."

That's the second half of the song. The first half:

"f I could have chosen where God would hide his heaven,
I would wish for it to be in the salt and swell of the ocean.
Carried by the currents to all continents' shores.
Reaching into depths where the sun’s light has never shown.
Mixed with algae and coral.
Breathed in by sharks and dolphins.
Sailed by tanker ships, private yachts, swam in by tourists.
Working its way up through inlets, lakes, and rivers, swamps, and estuaries.
Down through limestone into the aquifer.
Purified by the county, pumped through pipes and out faucets.
Filled into a glass to meet the thirst of our children."

Tie in the final line of the song:

"There is an Ocean in my soul where the waters do not curve."

I think this is Tom talking about how his soul is complex, you'd have to know what he thinks a soul is to understand what this means. It could go as far to say that he sees a soul as encompassing his entire consciousness. Basically, his mind. The last line is that his soul is limitless (Shores that don't curve must go on forever).

In conclusion, one theory I have on this song is that Tom is telling us he's gay/bi. This is just the ways in which this is supported.


Something I want to mention is that I think Searching... could also be about selling out. Doctors = record labels, this disease is a self-hatred/regret/becoming what you're acting. Nightly in aspiration = what you wish you did. Might not be personal, might be a shot at those bands doing this, a kick in the ass if you will. Or criticizing the way things are done in the music business. I don't think AM! has sold out, so I don't think it's self-criticism.



*** Signing onto a non-independent label (They signed onto Fat Wreck Chords) does not mean you've sold out. Playing because you enjoy playing (As I believe they still do), whereas you used to play because you enjoyed doing, and you believed in something, does not mean you've sold out. Tom Gabel/Against Me! went from pro-anarchist to growing out of anarchy and realizing that anarchy was just another set of doctrines. They abandoned what they sang so much about/were known for, and now they just play because they love playing. Of my whole argument on this fact revolves around the assumption that Against Me! still plays because they love playing, not for the money/fame.

PS, the default theme is cool and all, but really harsh on the eyes, or the editor text is too small.

yea, I always thought that searching was about them "selling out".

Quote :

"as you offered witness to mortality in exchange for the ticket price"

but it's such a beautiful song.

Thanks for putting those songs together, I remember reading that they were connected, but never took the time to interpret them together.

ColourCodedQuotes wrote:

PS, the default theme is cool and all, but really harsh on the eyes, or the editor text is too small.

THAT is what I whole-heartedly think TDBTB, Ocean and SFAFC are about.

Also I agree about the default theme. I blame Zedeff.

Of course it's self-criticism. The entire SFAFC record is about questioning their own credibility and wrestling with the opportunities presented by major labels and trying to reconcile that with their own personal values.

Honestly, it's hard to tie in selling out with all three songs (Disco, Searching, The Ocean). The closest I came to was that all three songs come to a theme about lying to yourself, but only SFAFC has anything to do with a music industry theme, the others deal with relationships and your soul.

It is possible that SFAFC has a double meaning, one as a stand alone, the other when combined with the other two songs. Entirely speculation though.

I always thought that this song was just about the idea of dying on stage. Especially the last verse. What with the "witness to morality in exchange for a ticket price"
I've always loved this song, though.

for some reason after this song, I feel the need to listen to borne on the fm waves...

i wonder what this song would sound like live, prob epic.

it'd be so depressing, but I'd still sing along.

i would imagine them speeding it up which would make it less depressing

I really wish I could have seen this song live.

I heard somewhere this has never been played live, confirm?

Somebody on here said their friend saw it and it was the most intense thing they'd ever seen.

If the band ever decided to call it quits, they should play this as the last song.