searching for a former clarity

To be fair though, this song didn't require dissecting. This interpretation is what came to me when listening to it. To write out the interpretation above, I actually had to look up the lyrics to double check that my instincts weren't way off.

Some songs do require dissecting. For example, 10 Tonn Jiggawatt by None More Black.

god i hope this song isnt another about the industry.
god i hope its about aids. (that was always my assumption*)
i'll love AM! till the end, even should they have a dramatic genre change to polka.
but more on music bitching may instigate a lovers quarrel on my part...

*when i first heard SFAFC, i distinctly remember linking this song and pretty girls.
the aids case really hits home with pretty girls i think.
personally, it seemed at the time to mean that tom had aids.

case and point:

"But if she says yes know what intentions might be.
If one thing leads to another and there's some chemistry.
You cannot lie, you have to tell the truth.
You have to explain why this could never be, because
There are things that cannot be undone.
There are mistakes that will never be forgiven."

"I just want to be young, I want to live.
I want to be healthy,
I don't want this problem.
You wouldn't think something like irresponsibility,
would complicate something like asking for some company"

"There are truths you must learn to confront."

cant ask for company because of aids, a product of irresponsibility.
a truth confronted when a former clarity is reached???!!

maybe not.

Why does it have to be AIDS? He also couldn't have sex if he was high on coke, or married, or drank too much, or had a show early the next day, or if SHE was married...

AIDS only gets chosen because it's the dramatic-limelight choice that pops into peoples minds, but it leaves the song far too vague.

if either of the two was married, he wouldnt ask for her company -- defintely sounds like a date,
tom said in his original blog that he had an instance with a groupie where they were both drunk.
in the post, he said he gave it a shot though, cause hes badass.
i dont know a guy that would turn down nookie whether they had to work in the morning or not,

thats what sick days are for

Zedeff wrote:

Honestly, no. I always like to dissect the lyrics. If I don't like the lyrics to a song, I don't like the song, period. This is at the root of my undying love for Jawbreaker.

i can't help but think of Mitch Clem whenever someone mentions Jawbreaker.

Zedeff wrote:

Honestly, no. I always like to dissect the lyrics. If I don't like the lyrics to a song, I don't like the song, period. This is at the root of my undying love for Jawbreaker.

Exactly why I don't listen to Propaghandi.

Hmm, I've looked at this song before and come to a conclusion similar to Zedeff's. But I also think that linking it with "Pretty Girls" is not a bad idea. Actually, putting together those two songs along with "Unprotected Sex With Multiple Partners" could potentially reveal a three-song extended metaphor between some type of disease (AIDS would make the most sense) and the music industry/being abandoned by fans....his disease IS his ability, etc.

"Unprotected Sex with Multiple Partners" is about the music industry, creating the inital metaphor between seemingly unrelated title and lyrics.

"Pretty Girls," then, would be about not being able to get too close to others (bands? labels?-possibly, but the definate: fans that abandon) in the industry, which is later addressed in "Searching for a Former Clarity."

I can't explain all as well as Zedeff did, so I won't even try, but it's there.

Or maybe I'm just looking for something that isn't there---a (rumored) former clarity, if you will?---and it's all meant to be literal. But I kind of hope not.

Of course, Tom also says that "The Disco Before the Breakdown," "Searching for a Former Clarity" and "Ocean" are linked. When looking at the three of them, it seems almost like a failed attempt at homosexuality, possibly bisexuality, if that makes any sense.

Zedeff wrote:

This song isn't about AIDS or health care in my mind, it's about being accused of selling out.

"Doctors-->on your way" refers to the fans of his band (doctors) who, without warning abandoned him (he's dead) after "taking" everything from him; his honesty, creativity, passion, and just plain old entertainment.

"But you knew-->till the end" means that he was trying to ignore people taunting him, insulting him, he wanted to keep his head down and write music for the people that still cared and pretend the detractors weren't bothering him... but they were.

The journal section refers again to what was taken from him: his stories, his confessions, his honest passion for what he does. The fact that it's now beside his bed instead of wide open symbolizes that he is "once bitten twice shy" and afraid to open himself up again to a community that now shuns him.

"Will everyone,
you ever meet or love,
be just a realationship based,
on a false presumption."

This obviously means that he thought he was part of a community, that he was making music for friends and peers who respected him; this was not an accurate assessment.

"Despite everyone,
you ever meet or ever love.
In the end,
will you be all alone?"

Despite playing hard, singing honestly, and meeting thousands of people, he's been abandoned by the people that he cared about and thought cared about him.

"As the disease-->spotted your skin" means that the problem is getting worse. At first there were few detractors and it wasn't bad, he could cope, but now the disease is getting worse, there are more people attacking him and it's hard to ignore, it's hard to function. He is suffering mentally (coherence and alertness) and he is no longer able to function in his normal capacity; he no longer wants to open up, to write personal things, to be a part of that community with those people. He is afraid of being a fake and having to "phone it in."

"As you fell to your knees-->hope was finally lost" means that he has given everything for this band, and all the fans are interested in is being entertained by his downfall. He is using the literal image of dying on stage for entertainment purposes (ticket price). This represents both him "giving it his all" and working so hard, being so honest, and also his "giving up" and just accepting his death and the loss of his community of peers.

"Adrenaline-->forgiven" means he wants out. He doesn't want to do this anymore. He doesn't want to open up, to write personal songs, to be attacked, or to be part of the community. He just wants the old people that shunned him to leave him alone.

I think it's worth noting that when this album came out is when Tom departed from the DIY scene, pulled his album from PIX, and stopped writing personal songs about his ideals. New Wave is pretty devoid of the old style of Tom's writing and I don't think that's an accident.

That was a very unique and well thought out post. Good job. If your right maybe Heart Burns is a way of reopening back up.

This is a fairly literal song. That's probably the reason it seldom gets played live 'too close to home'

Zedeff wrote:

This song isn't about AIDS or health care in my mind, it's about being accused of selling out.

"Doctors-->on your way" refers to the fans of his band (doctors) who, without warning abandoned him (he's dead) after "taking" everything from him; his honesty, creativity, passion, and just plain old entertainment.

"But you knew-->till the end" means that he was trying to ignore people taunting him, insulting him, he wanted to keep his head down and write music for the people that still cared and pretend the detractors weren't bothering him... but they were.

The journal section refers again to what was taken from him: his stories, his confessions, his honest passion for what he does. The fact that it's now beside his bed instead of wide open symbolizes that he is "once bitten twice shy" and afraid to open himself up again to a community that now shuns him.

"Will everyone,
you ever meet or love,
be just a realationship based,
on a false presumption."

This obviously means that he thought he was part of a community, that he was making music for friends and peers who respected him; this was not an accurate assessment.

"Despite everyone,
you ever meet or ever love.
In the end,
will you be all alone?"

Despite playing hard, singing honestly, and meeting thousands of people, he's been abandoned by the people that he cared about and thought cared about him.

"As the disease-->spotted your skin" means that the problem is getting worse. At first there were few detractors and it wasn't bad, he could cope, but now the disease is getting worse, there are more people attacking him and it's hard to ignore, it's hard to function. He is suffering mentally (coherence and alertness) and he is no longer able to function in his normal capacity; he no longer wants to open up, to write personal things, to be a part of that community with those people. He is afraid of being a fake and having to "phone it in."

"As you fell to your knees-->hope was finally lost" means that he has given everything for this band, and all the fans are interested in is being entertained by his downfall. He is using the literal image of dying on stage for entertainment purposes (ticket price). This represents both him "giving it his all" and working so hard, being so honest, and also his "giving up" and just accepting his death and the loss of his community of peers.

"Adrenaline-->forgiven" means he wants out. He doesn't want to do this anymore. He doesn't want to open up, to write personal songs, to be attacked, or to be part of the community. He just wants the old people that shunned him to leave him alone.

I think it's worth noting that when this album came out is when Tom departed from the DIY scene, pulled his album from PIX, and stopped writing personal songs about his ideals. New Wave is pretty devoid of the old style of Tom's writing and I don't think that's an accident.

You, sir, should be in my English class. My teacher would love you. Or in IB Higher Level English in general, for that matter.

i bet tom's looking at all this and going

'man, ill have what these guys are having'

[quote="AnnaIsAFuckingStoolPigeon"]

Zedeff wrote:

This song isn't about AIDS or health care in my mind, it's about being accused of selling out.

"Doctors-->on your way" refers to the fans of his band (doctors) who, without warning abandoned him (he's dead) after "taking" everything from him; his honesty, creativity, passion, and just plain old entertainment.

"But you knew-->till the end" means that he was trying to ignore people taunting him, insulting him, he wanted to keep his head down and write music for the people that still cared and pretend the detractors weren't bothering him... but they were.

The journal section refers again to what was taken from him: his stories, his confessions, his honest passion for what he does. The fact that it's now beside his bed instead of wide open symbolizes that he is "once bitten twice shy" and afraid to open himself up again to a community that now shuns him.

"Will everyone,
you ever meet or love,
be just a realationship based,
on a false presumption."

This obviously means that he thought he was part of a community, that he was making music for friends and peers who respected him; this was not an accurate assessment.

"Despite everyone,
you ever meet or ever love.
In the end,
will you be all alone?"

Despite playing hard, singing honestly, and meeting thousands of people, he's been abandoned by the people that he cared about and thought cared about him.

"As the disease-->spotted your skin" means that the problem is getting worse. At first there were few detractors and it wasn't bad, he could cope, but now the disease is getting worse, there are more people attacking him and it's hard to ignore, it's hard to function. He is suffering mentally (coherence and alertness) and he is no longer able to function in his normal capacity; he no longer wants to open up, to write personal things, to be a part of that community with those people. He is afraid of being a fake and having to "phone it in."

"As you fell to your knees-->hope was finally lost" means that he has given everything for this band, and all the fans are interested in is being entertained by his downfall. He is using the literal image of dying on stage for entertainment purposes (ticket price). This represents both him "giving it his all" and working so hard, being so honest, and also his "giving up" and just accepting his death and the loss of his community of peers.

"Adrenaline-->forgiven" means he wants out. He doesn't want to do this anymore. He doesn't want to open up, to write personal songs, to be attacked, or to be part of the community. He just wants the old people that shunned him to leave him alone.

I think it's worth noting that when this album came out is when Tom departed from the DIY scene, pulled his album from PIX, and stopped writing personal songs about his ideals. New Wave is pretty devoid of the old style of Tom's writing and I don't think that's an accident.

jesus man, that good.

Knaggz wrote:

i bet tom's looking at all this and going

'man, ill have what these guys are having'

Ahahaha.

Zedeff wrote:

This song isn't about AIDS or health care in my mind, it's about being accused of selling out.

"Doctors-->on your way" refers to the fans of his band (doctors) who, without warning abandoned him (he's dead) after "taking" everything from him; his honesty, creativity, passion, and just plain old entertainment.

"But you knew-->till the end" means that he was trying to ignore people taunting him, insulting him, he wanted to keep his head down and write music for the people that still cared and pretend the detractors weren't bothering him... but they were.

The journal section refers again to what was taken from him: his stories, his confessions, his honest passion for what he does. The fact that it's now beside his bed instead of wide open symbolizes that he is "once bitten twice shy" and afraid to open himself up again to a community that now shuns him.

"Will everyone,
you ever meet or love,
be just a realationship based,
on a false presumption."

This obviously means that he thought he was part of a community, that he was making music for friends and peers who respected him; this was not an accurate assessment.

"Despite everyone,
you ever meet or ever love.
In the end,
will you be all alone?"

Despite playing hard, singing honestly, and meeting thousands of people, he's been abandoned by the people that he cared about and thought cared about him.

"As the disease-->spotted your skin" means that the problem is getting worse. At first there were few detractors and it wasn't bad, he could cope, but now the disease is getting worse, there are more people attacking him and it's hard to ignore, it's hard to function. He is suffering mentally (coherence and alertness) and he is no longer able to function in his normal capacity; he no longer wants to open up, to write personal things, to be a part of that community with those people. He is afraid of being a fake and having to "phone it in."

"As you fell to your knees-->hope was finally lost" means that he has given everything for this band, and all the fans are interested in is being entertained by his downfall. He is using the literal image of dying on stage for entertainment purposes (ticket price). This represents both him "giving it his all" and working so hard, being so honest, and also his "giving up" and just accepting his death and the loss of his community of peers.

"Adrenaline-->forgiven" means he wants out. He doesn't want to do this anymore. He doesn't want to open up, to write personal songs, to be attacked, or to be part of the community. He just wants the old people that shunned him to leave him alone.

I think it's worth noting that when this album came out is when Tom departed from the DIY scene, pulled his album from PIX, and stopped writing personal songs about his ideals. New Wave is pretty devoid of the old style of Tom's writing and I don't think that's an accident.

I've heard a great deal of that interpretation, and I commend you on your analysis of it, but I disagree.

It is a common trend for AM to criticize the music industry, and they have never had issues before doing so openly, why would they write this song so heavily coded?

In any case, it certainly is about AIDS, even if it is only in the sense that AIDS is being used as a metaphor for the disease of "being in the music industry."


Supposing that:
"No the doctors didn't tell you,
that you were dying.
They just collected their money,
And sent you on your way,"
is actually about the fans and their abandoning him, the language seems off to me. This isn't about abandonment, it is about neglect. IF you were to claim that the song is about the music industry, this passage is likely not about the fans and I would think is more likely about the exec's who use the band for profit without any real concern for the members.

That is a possibility, but I'm inclined to think it is instead literally about the health care system. In case none of you have had to deal with the American health care system, it is fucked. Especially in cases of health problems that are considered outside of acceptable social norms, for instance drug overdoses or AIDS, doctors are especially negligent. Frankly, in some cases there simply isn't much they can do, but in many they simply choose not to help. I knew a few people who died from overdoses who really didn't have to. That, however, is a personal experience, so both of the above interpretations are of questionable soundness.

"But you knew all along,
went on pretending nothing was wrong,
you said I will keep my focus, till the end,"
The above passage to me doesn't strike me as being about the people criticizing the band. If this is in fact a metaphor for the music industry, I think this is more about the person ignoring the "disease" and continuing to attempt to accomplish his goals. In this case, the disease would not be his former fans, but the paradox of living(and promoting) a counter-culture lifestyle while collaborating with corporate interests in order to achieve your goals, defying the values that you are attempting to promote.
If that is the case, the passage would be about him ignoring the slow reality of his selling-out while trying to get across his values and mesages to the fans until he has lost all credibility, or "died. This is made slightly more convincing by the fact that he would of course not acknowledge that he was selling out, "pretending nothing was wrong," lest he be recognized as a sell-out and rendered impotent.

I think this passage is about being misdiagnosed or lied to by medical professionals and understanding that fact, but instead ignoring it.

"And in the journal you kept,
by the side of your bed.
You wrote nightly in aspiration,
of developing as an author.
Confessing childhood secrets,
of dressing up in women's clothes,
Compulsions you never knew the reasons to,"

This doesn't seem to me to be describing anything which has been "lost" or stolen, there is no language to indicate that this has been removed by any force other than the disease through the person's death. I think this passage instead gives the person characterization, providing listeners with clues as to who the song might be about, or perhaps acting as a sort of confession on behalf of the lead singer. The last line in particular seems to relate a kind of innocence to the character, not understanding or knowing his "flaws" or, what would be deemed flaws by the vast majority of society.

This passage makes me inclined to think it is about Freddie Mercury, in conjunction with my belief that the song is about AIDS. Freddie Mercury, a performer who died of AIDS, the song depicts a more dramatized and graphic scene of the performer being consumed by the disease. The passage above implies homosexual tendencies, as well as AIDS being highly prevalent in homosexual communities makes it probably, if the song is about AIDS, that the subject is bi- or homosexual.

"Will everyone, you ever meet or love,
be just relationship based on a false presumption,
despite everyone, you ever meet or love,
in the end, will you be all alone?"

Now, Zedeff's analysis of the above passage serves nicely for illustrating the alienation in the music industry, so I won't bother with that possibility myself.

I took it to relate to the fact that Freddie Mercury hid the fact of his disease from everyone until the very end. He closed himself off from others, and only revealed his disease a day before he died. This passage could have possible meanings about how having alternative sexualities alienates one from others and causes one to live a life of emotional distance from others. The false presumption might be a presumption about the person's sexuality, or the state of the person's health.

"As the disease spreads slowly through your body,
pumped by your heart to the tips of your arms and your legs,
your greatest fear was that your mind wouldn't last,
your coherency and alertness would be the first things to fade,
as your hair thinned, as the weight fell off, as your teeth blackened,
as the lesions spotted your skin, "

This seems to be, fairly obviously, a vivid description of the effects of AIDS.

"What are the later symptoms of HIV/AIDS?


* Lack of energy
* Weight loss
* Frequent fevers and sweats
* Periods of extreme and unexplained fatigue that may be combined with headaches, lightheadedness, and/or dizziness
* Rapid loss of more than 10 pounds of weight that is not due to increased physical exercise or dieting
* Bruising more easily than normal
* Long-lasting bouts of diarrhoea
* Swelling or hardening of glands located in the throat, armpit, or groin
* The appearance of discoloured or purplish growths on the skin or inside the mouth
* Unexplained bleeding from growths on the skin, from mucous membranes, or from any opening in the body
* Recurring or unusual skin rashes
* Severe numbness or pain in the hands or feet, the loss of muscle control and reflex, paralysis or loss of muscular strength
* An altered state of consciousness, personality change, or mental deterioration"
The above was found on some medical site. Swelling of glands in the throat as well as the discolored growths inside the mouth could also coincide with the lyrics of teeth blackening, and though hair loss is not expressly stated, hair loss is common with many skin rashes, so with skin rashes being a common symptom of AIDS, it is possible that hair loss is related to the many skin afflictions of the disease.


"as you fell to your knees in the center of the stage,
as you offered witness to mortality in exchange for the ticket price,
as the lights blended into the continuing noise,
as all hope was finally lost,"

This passage could be read as the music industry sell-out concept again, especially with the recurrent imagery that the band uses in other songs, of being consumed by their art. The lines display his location, he was at the center of the stage, he was performing, and the following line expresses that his fans were buying tickets to watch him finally completely give in and lose his battle. In this case, that would mean that his fans are somewhat parasitic, buying admission to watch him complete his transformation into a sell-out.

I don't think that's it, though. I think in this scenario the person is literally dying, though I think the imagery and the connotation that music industry is something akin to scavenging is intentional.



"Adrenaline carried one last thought to fruition.
Let this be the end.
Let this be the last song.
Let this be the end.
Let all be forgiven,"

This last bit could be construed that there is a kind of peace in finally becoming a sell-out, in finally losing his credibility, in that he no longer has to sacrifice his ideals, he can be forgiven because he can stop now, he is no longer expected to perform, no longer obligated to his fans. His career as a musician is over.

I think this is instead about dying of AIDS. Mental deterioration being a symptom of AIDS, it seems as though this paints a picture that the last coherent thought the person had was something that he would finally be at peace. Let all be forgiven in this sense could again refer to Freddie Mercury in that perhaps he hoped to be forgiven for deceiving those close to him about his sexuality or his disease. Being dead, he can be himself unapologetically, and be accepted.


This song came up on shuffle the first time I heard it when I was driving to my Grandma's home to sort through her belongs and heirlooms after she died, and I wound up crying for a bit when I drove down the freeway. Cancer got her, though, and not AIDS, but whatever the meaning of the song is, it is certainly quite powerful.



Also, someone mentioned that New Wave didn't have any of the anti-music industry stuff in it that the other albums did, but that's not true, several songs have lyrics which show cynicism and disdain for the music industry.

I normally don't read posts this long, but I find this song particularly vivid and fascinating. The same can be said for your analysis of it.

Way to make a first post, haha. Welcome.

Mike wrote:

I normally don't read posts this long, but I find this song particularly vivid and fascinating. The same can be said for your analysis of it.

Way to make a first post, haha. Welcome.

I was about the say the exact same thing.

Thank you, both of you.

Yeah, Duke. That was pretty much glorious. Thank you.

I asked Tom once if this was about Freddy Mercury and he said no, that it was based on a fictional person.

I've found a vague connection between this song and the movie Synecdoche, NY. Not sure if any of you have drawn that up (Or hell, even seen the movie) but just found it kind of odd. I do think that this song is multifaceted and honestly I doubt any of us here have a full grasp of what it is. I do think that if it's a disease it's AIDs, and more than likely it's about the Music industry and his choices and how they effected his personal life, like most of the songs on this album.

i cant get over alone how good this lp is, let alone the song.

I just realized I’ve never seen them play this live, nor can I find any videos of them playing it. Anybody know why?

It's about Ian Curtis of Joy Division. I win!

soulphonate wrote:

It's about Ian Curtis of Joy Division. I win!

Didn't he commit suicide, how does that work?

blake wrote:

soulphonate wrote:

It's about Ian Curtis of Joy Division. I win!

Didn't he commit suicide, how does that work?

"At the time of his death, his health was failing as a result of the epilepsy and attempting to balance his musical ambitions with his marriage, which was foundering in the aftermath of his affair with journalist Annik Honoré."