searching for a former clarity

so i pretty much get the meaning of the song, but was it written about someone...
i just was curious if the song was for someone or was just written.
ive never really heard anything about this song.


No the doctors didn't tell you,
that you were dying.
They just collected their money,
And sent you on your way.
But you knew all along,
went on pretending nothing was wrong,
you said I will keep my focus, till the end.
And in the journal you kept,
by the side of your bed.
You wrote nightly in aspiration,
of developing as an author.
Confessing childhood secrets,
of dressing up in women's clothes,
Compulsions you never knew the reasons to,
Well everyone, you ever meet or love,
be just relationship based on a false presumption,
despite everyone, you ever meet or love,
in the end, will you be all alone?
As the disease spreads slowly through your body,
pumped by your heart to the tips of your arms and your legs,
your greatest fear was that your mind wouldn't last,
your coherency and alertness would be the first things to fade,
as your hair thinned, as the weight fell off, as your teeth blackened,
as the lesions spotted your skin,
as you fell to your knees in the center of the stage,
as you offered witness to mortality in exchange for the ticket price,
as the lights blended into the continuing noise,
as all hope was finally lost.
Adrenaline carried one last thought to fruition.
Let this be the end.
Let this be the last song.
Let this be the end.
Let all be forgiven.

No the doctors didn't tell you,
that you were dying.
They just collected their money,
And sent you on your way.
But you knew all along,
went on pretending nothing was wrong,
you said I will keep my focus, till the end.
And in the journal you kept,
by the side of your bed.
You wrote nightly in aspiration,
of developing as an author.
Confessing childhood secrets,
of dressing up in women's clothes,
Compulsions you never knew the reasons to,
Well everyone, you ever meet or love,
be just relationship based on a false presumption,
despite everyone, you ever meet or love,
in the end, will you be all alone?
As the disease spreads slowly through your body,
pumped by your heart to the tips of your arms and your legs,
your greatest fear was that your mind wouldn't last,
your coherency and alertness would be the first things to fade,
as your hair thinned, as the weight fell off, as your teeth blackened,
as the lesions spotted your skin,
as you fell to your knees in the center of the stage,
as you offered witness to mortality in exchange for the ticket price,
as the lights blended into the continuing noise,
as all hope was finally lost.
Adrenaline carried one last thought to fruition.
Let this be the end.
Let this be the last song.
Let this be the end.
Let all be forgiven.

This is one of the two songs where Tom references to wishing he was a woman

I have no facts to back this up, but I think it might be about Freddy Mercury

who is freddy?

Singer in Queen, now deceased.

JAPSoccer13 wrote:

who is freddy?

You can't possibly be that young. I thought everyone knew Freddy Mercury.

As to the song being about Mr. Mercury, it actually could be. Maybe it's a statement about all entertainers, and how they are sort of closeted (literally or figuratively) in their real lives, as everyone who meets them thinks the character is the individual.

Of course, all of this just ties up the concept of the album, and brings it to the logical conclusion where the singer dies on stage. It's very Ziggy Stardust. In fact, Ziggy Stardust was actually about the exact same thing. The song, I mean, not the album. The album was about the last rock band in the apocalypse. But I digress....

Maybe it's about how the performer becomes what he pretends to be in the end, and the individual dies on stage, and becomes a character. Maybe Tom Gabel is afraid his personality will be sucked up into Against Me!, and he'll live his life as whatever he is on tape?

Did Freddy Mercury ever express any sentiments along those lines? I suppose as a closeted gay man his life was already sort of a sham to begin with. But did he ever talk about being a rock star along the same lines that someone might talk about being found out to be queer? I honestly don't know much about the man. I've never really cared to dig into someone's personal life, as the music was all I ever cared about.

No the doctors didn't tell you,
that you were dying.
They just collected their money,
And sent you on your way.
But you knew all along,
went on pretending nothing was wrong,
you said I will keep my focus, till the end.

This opening verse is a great reference to Freddie Mercury's battle with AIDS. Freddie did not admit to the public that he was sick for quite awhile and he did not announce that he had AIDS until the day before he died, despite having known that he had AIDS for 4 years!

And in the journal you kept,
by the side of your bed.
You wrote nightly in aspiration,
of developing as an author.
Confessing childhood secrets,
of dressing up in women's clothes,
Compulsions you never knew the reasons to,

Freddie was one of the first openly gay celebrities, and he was known for his outlandish outfits


Well everyone, you ever meet or love,
be just relationship based on a false presumption,
despite everyone, you ever meet or love,
in the end, will you be all alone?

I think this refers to the problem of making friends when you are famous

As the disease spreads slowly through your body,
pumped by your heart to the tips of your arms and your legs,
your greatest fear was that your mind wouldn't last,
your coherency and alertness would be the first things to fade,
as your hair thinned, as the weight fell off, as your teeth blackened,
as the lesions spotted your skin,
as you fell to your knees in the center of the stage,
as you offered witness to mortality in exchange for the ticket price,
as the lights blended into the continuing noise,
as all hope was finally lost.
Adrenaline carried one last thought to fruition.
Let this be the end.
Let this be the last song.
Let this be the end.
Let all be forgiven.

I think this is all just Freddie dying from Aids, just a beautiful description of death

I forgot that this song contains one of my favorite lines:

You wrote nightly in aspiration,
of developing as an author.


if you take this song to be about dying from a disease, then you can use two different defenitions of aspiration...

One you could say that you are writing about your goals

Two you could say that you wrote as you were sufficating

yea i never really liked queen and neither did my mother, which is prolly why i never really listned to them or knew who freddy was.

lucky_leprechaun wrote:

Actually I think its about someone close to him having cancer.
Because on Searching the opening song 'Miami' talks about someone having cancer.
Plus, when I listen to Searching for a former clarity, I think of my Grandfathers battle with cancer that ended his life.
So I don't think its about Freddie Mercury.
I think its about cancer, and how it affects everyone close to that one person.

I have to disagree, the way the lyrics fit Freddie Mercury's story like a glove.

Think about it.....

"as you fell to your knees in the center of the stage,
as you offered witness to mortality in exchange for the ticket price,
as the lights blended into the continuing noise,
as all hope was finally lost.
Adrenaline carried one last thought to fruition.
Let this be the end."

e6c wrote:

I forgot that this song contains one of my favorite lines:

You wrote nightly in aspiration,
of developing as an author.


if you take this song to be about dying from a disease, then you can use two different defenitions of aspiration...

One you could say that you are writing about your goals

Two you could say that you wrote as you were sufficating

... doesn't it just mean that the person continues to write in the hopes that they would become better at it?

I think the beginning is a shot at the healthcare system.



No the doctors didn't tell you,
that you were dying.
They just collected their money,
And sent you on your way.

This song isn't about AIDS or health care in my mind, it's about being accused of selling out.

"Doctors-->on your way" refers to the fans of his band (doctors) who, without warning abandoned him (he's dead) after "taking" everything from him; his honesty, creativity, passion, and just plain old entertainment.

"But you knew-->till the end" means that he was trying to ignore people taunting him, insulting him, he wanted to keep his head down and write music for the people that still cared and pretend the detractors weren't bothering him... but they were.

The journal section refers again to what was taken from him: his stories, his confessions, his honest passion for what he does. The fact that it's now beside his bed instead of wide open symbolizes that he is "once bitten twice shy" and afraid to open himself up again to a community that now shuns him.

"Will everyone,
you ever meet or love,
be just a realationship based,
on a false presumption."

This obviously means that he thought he was part of a community, that he was making music for friends and peers who respected him; this was not an accurate assessment.

"Despite everyone,
you ever meet or ever love.
In the end,
will you be all alone?"

Despite playing hard, singing honestly, and meeting thousands of people, he's been abandoned by the people that he cared about and thought cared about him.

"As the disease-->spotted your skin" means that the problem is getting worse. At first there were few detractors and it wasn't bad, he could cope, but now the disease is getting worse, there are more people attacking him and it's hard to ignore, it's hard to function. He is suffering mentally (coherence and alertness) and he is no longer able to function in his normal capacity; he no longer wants to open up, to write personal things, to be a part of that community with those people. He is afraid of being a fake and having to "phone it in."

"As you fell to your knees-->hope was finally lost" means that he has given everything for this band, and all the fans are interested in is being entertained by his downfall. He is using the literal image of dying on stage for entertainment purposes (ticket price). This represents both him "giving it his all" and working so hard, being so honest, and also his "giving up" and just accepting his death and the loss of his community of peers.

"Adrenaline-->forgiven" means he wants out. He doesn't want to do this anymore. He doesn't want to open up, to write personal songs, to be attacked, or to be part of the community. He just wants the old people that shunned him to leave him alone.

I think it's worth noting that when this album came out is when Tom departed from the DIY scene, pulled his album from PIX, and stopped writing personal songs about his ideals. New Wave is pretty devoid of the old style of Tom's writing and I don't think that's an accident.

holy shit well done

I love it when people pick apart songs like that, and you did so amazingly.

Zedeff, well played. That's a fantastic interpretation.

Either you're good at reading things or you're the man himself.

Zedeff is most likely Gainesvillianiteoan for Tom Gabel.



Because Gainesville has their own language...

wow. that was a very in-depth interpretation.

not to be rude or anything cause that was pretty good and well thought out. but picking apart a song that much... who knows that could be exactly how tom meant it. but maybe it was just literal, and not so cryptic, although alot of it is likely cryptic. but again this is only one young persons opinoin.

have you ever just listened to a song without caring about the meaning. although i liked what you did, you justified it. i tend to ramble.......

Honestly, no. I always like to dissect the lyrics. If I don't like the lyrics to a song, I don't like the song, period. This is at the root of my undying love for Jawbreaker.

an Eternal Cowboy wrote:

not to be rude or anything cause that was pretty good and well thought out. but picking apart a song that much... who knows that could be exactly how tom meant it. but maybe it was just literal, and not so cryptic, although alot of it is likely cryptic. but again this is only one young persons opinoin.

have you ever just listened to a song without caring about the meaning. although i liked what you did, you justified it. i tend to ramble.......

To be completely honest, i don't like to dissect lyrics, not that it doesn't amaze me whenever people do it. I just love to listen to songs and let them take me away. The way it is sung brings just as much meaning to me than the words itself most of the time, if that makes any sense