Formal Introduction

So i never actually introduced myself on the forum, even though I'm sure a lot of you already kind of know who I am...

Anyways, My name is Carolyn Colton, and I'm from Washington, DC. I'm 17 years old, and have been listening to AM! since around the 7th/8th grade. The first song I ever heard by them was Turn Those Clapping Hands Into Angry Balled Fists, and I instantly fell in love. Against Me! entered my life in a very awkward, dark, and confused time. I had been traveling for piano, ( i rock out to mozart you know, haha ), and it was my life. My teacher ended up dropping me, and I had switched teachers about 7 times in a single year. I was miserable; I felt betrayed and was truly lost. I felt as though I was floating through life, day by day, not comprehending anything, thinking my way through things, just breathing air, completely emotionless. I didn't even know if music was what I wanted to do with my life anymore, even after playing for 7 years.

I'm not trying to gain sympathy, just trying to TELL IT LIKE IT REALLY IS! ( AM! reference, yay!). I always felt there was a maturity gap between me and my peers, and especially throughout middle school I didn't have any steady friends. I'd say my closest friend had been my mom, ( we still are very close ). I was a strong feminist when I was younger, and because of it, many people thought I was a lesbian. I was constantly on display, in the most negative way at school. I was the kid everyone knew, and laughed about. I'd like to say i was too apathetic to care, but I think my apathy was a result of caring too much of waht my peers thought.

I remember the day AM! entered my life almost perfectly. I remember I had locked myself in my room, and had refused to come out, after a terrible fight with my parents, ( we were fighting over my lack of friends, interestingly enough ), and I thought that my life was coming to a stop. The piano had failed me, my friends had failed me, my family had failed me, I never was religious so I never had some "other" person to look to, I only had myself, and I wasn't happy with who I was...hell i didn't even know who I was. I remember laying down in my bed, and took out my CD player and put in this mix CD this kid Andrew had made me. I'm pretty sure it was track #7 which was Turn those Clapping Hands into Angry Balled fists. I had actually never listened to the CD, and skipped the tracks to no.7 (lucky number), and it started to play.

My life changed. When tom screamed " everything is going to be alright.....is going to be alright....its going to be alright....alright! Alright! " I knew, that it was going to be alright. And I remember just playing that song for days on repeat. I didn't need friends at school, I didn't need anything, but this music. Just that song, just that song, just that song, is all I needed. The beauty in the song, and the sound of the instruments made me remember how I loved music, and the piano. It reminded me that I had to fight for control, control of my life. I couldn't let depression, or stupid kids, or stupid family fights, bring me down, and destroy what opportunities I had in life. So I began to fight again, and I fought for myself, because I realized, only I would know what was best for me...I had to look out for myself. Remember- this is just survival. And no lie- my life some how pieced itself back together. I found a piano teacher, I started to feel better about myself, I made friends, I found my niche, i found everything I could ever want in life. I even discoreved hidden talents, and loves, such as for art and psychology. I would have never become interested in other subjects if I had not challenged myself to learn. I found out who i was, through this song, through its sheer honesty and simplicity. My friends made sense, my family, people, everyone made sense, hell my life made sense, and I myself made sense. Since then AM! will forever be my favorite band, forever be something I will look to, turn to, if my life ever decides to go down another dark alley.

It's funny, i think about when I'll be 40 years old ( something I would have never thought when i was younger ), and I can just see myself talking to my kids, and telling them the music I listened to, and telling them about AM! and all the music that mattered to me, and I can just hear them say , " oh god mom, your music SUCKS ", hahaha, and although i'll probably laugh, I'll know deep down, whether AM! means something to my kids, my friends, or my family, they will always mean something special, and beautiful to me.

And so now you know a little bit more about Miss Carolyn.

I've said it before, but you're amazing!!!! I enjoyed reading that a lot. You should write a page of a book to me through PM's every few days. That would be awesome. Hah.

no you are amazing daggar!!!! seriously!!! you make this week full of yucky sickness and what not like the best week ever! Aw, i'm so glad you enjoyed reading that. and hell you know what-- I will write you a page of a book to you every so many days....

what on? anything? my life? what would you like, good sir?

Cenaco wrote:

no you are amazing daggar!!!! seriously!!! you make this week full of yucky sickness and what not like the best week ever! Aw, i'm so glad you enjoyed reading that. and hell you know what-- I will write you a page of a book to you every so many days....

what on? anything? my life? what would you like, good sir?

oh shit what is it my birthday? awesome thank you mucho. im so glad i could help somuch!! you've helped moi too.
and you can write about ANYTHIGN!

It's your birthday everyday in my world! beucase you are awesome x infinititiezitzeitzeitzetizeizei ize zeiz izt ei zetizet izet izet izet it eizet i zett zeizeti

I HATE TYPING RIGHT NWON WON WON WON WO

i wish i could like attach my brain to the computer keys so they could just go by themselves...RAWR

and you are very welcome, signor!

OKAY! i will write about anything....stream of conscious, yes!

You two are so damn sweet, haha.

Seriously, that was awesome. I completely agree, and feel the same way about Turn Those Clapping hands!

Ross wrote:

You two are so damn sweet, haha.

tee hee

Ross wrote:

You two are so damn sweet, haha.

Hah. I know, right?

Daggar Slade wrote:

Ross wrote:

You two are so damn sweet, haha.

Hah. I know, right?

do I need to say more

So I whistled for a cab and when it came near...

Bluuu wrote:

So I whistled for a cab and when it came near...

am I missing something...i feel like i am

I expected that to happen. It didn't.

Bluuu wrote:

I expected that to happen. It didn't.

still confused!

the license plate said "fresh" and it had dice on the mirror..

If anything I could say that this cab was rare...

But I thought, "Nah, forget it. Yo Homes.. To Bel-Air!"

Cenaco wrote:

Bluuu wrote:

So I whistled for a cab and when it came near...

am I missing something...i feel like i am

...Hooray for catching on!...(unless of course you were just saying it was random, in which case, yes, i am an ass)...

Cenaco wrote:

But I thought, "Nah, forget it. Yo Homes.. To Bel-Air!"

Also, that's a pretty sweet story of how you came into listening to AM! Beats my, I heard they were good so I picked up SFAFC and was disappointed at first but they've now become my favorite band because I made myself go back and actually LISTEN.

hahah yeah i caught on, once I saw "fresh", i was like hot damn! fresh prince of bel-air!

haha and thank you, it's pretty personal, but I felt it was necessary to share. and NAH! all stories are equal, and just as wondefful, because in teh end you were brought to AM! and taht is the best ending of it all!

Cenaco wrote:

in teh end you were brought to AM! and taht is the best ending of it all!

Haha. Sooo true.

Daggar Slade wrote:

Cenaco wrote:

in teh end you were brought to AM! and taht is the best ending of it all!

Haha. Sooo true.

you know it, my friend! i do believe you have never told me how you heard AM! - please share if you remember!

Cenaco wrote:

Daggar Slade wrote:

Cenaco wrote:

in teh end you were brought to AM! and taht is the best ending of it all!

Haha. Sooo true.

you know it, my friend! i do believe you have never told me how you heard AM! - please share if you remember!

well, there's this cloud that hangs over a place called canyon lake, tx. it's a cloud of illiteracy. and this cloud leads to many accidents, fatal accidents. The first time I had a close friend die was when I was 7, he was shot by a 60-something year-old man whom was drunk and wondering about the neighborhood with a shotgun. my friend was playing outside with one of his friends and for no reason (as the man said) he shot my friend. and tihs started a ridiculous relationship between death and i. Now, I'm pretty sure tat in a past life I lived through some situation in which i should have died , many other people died, but i was the only survivor. So, i think that one of the main things im suppposed to work on in my current life is getting over the guilt of survivng. I have a list of dead relatives and close friends. When I was 4 my grandma died then my friend died three years later since then, that list has gained 37 names. a few years ago, i had been through a few tremendously rough deaths and kind of holed myself up in my room, a friend of mine sent me an email with the lyrics from all the songs from vivida vis, the acoustic ep, crime, and disco. I read all of them and was immediately hooked. I asked him to send me more he did, and my love for AM! increased and increased. But i still hadnt HEARD anything of AM!'s because i couldnt listen to anything due to the the fact that i didn't have speakers on my computer. then two weeks later while my mom went into town i had her drop me off at hastings and i got a copy of ATEC! And that was what did it for me. That's the main gist of it. I can send you a more detailed account of the situation via PM sometime.

Haha, well that was a mouthful...well, I guess it would be a finger-full...

Daggar Slade wrote:

Cenaco wrote:

Daggar Slade wrote:

Cenaco wrote:

in teh end you were brought to AM! and taht is the best ending of it all!

Haha. Sooo true.

you know it, my friend! i do believe you have never told me how you heard AM! - please share if you remember!

well, there's this cloud that hangs over a place called canyon lake, tx. it's a cloud of illiteracy. and this cloud leads to many accidents, fatal accidents. The first time I had a close friend die was when I was 7, he was shot by a 60-something year-old man whom was drunk and wondering about the neighborhood with a shotgun. my friend was playing outside with one of his friends and for no reason (as the man said) he shot my friend. and tihs started a ridiculous relationship between death and i. Now, I'm pretty sure tat in a past life I lived through some situation in which i should have died , many other people died, but i was the only survivor. So, i think that one of the main things im suppposed to work on in my current life is getting over the guilt of survivng. I have a list of dead relatives and close friends. When I was 4 my grandma died then my friend died three years later since then, that list has gained 37 names. a few years ago, i had been through a few tremendously rough deaths and kind of holed myself up in my room, a friend of mine sent me an email with the lyrics from all the songs from vivida vis, the acoustic ep, crime, and disco. I read all of them and was immediately hooked. I asked him to send me more he did, and my love for AM! increased and increased. But i still hadnt HEARD anything of AM!'s because i couldnt listen to anything due to the the fact that i didn't have speakers on my computer. then two weeks later while my mom went into town i had her drop me off at hastings and i got a copy of ATEC! And that was what did it for me. That's the main gist of it. I can send you a more detailed account of the situation via PM sometime.

Haha, well that was a mouthful...well, I guess it would be a finger-full...

Wow, i'm so sorry to hear of your losses. But what's even stranger, is my grandfather died when I was three, and when I was around 9 or so my best friend, Maria, past away, and instantly when you started talking about your story, I was reminded of this. I know how you feel, (or can at least sympathize/understand, since no one can truly comprehend the depth/level of complexity in the mind of another in my opinion), and I too struggle having remember the loss of so many people in my life, and not just because of their death, but maybe through loss of communication, or something that drove us our separate ways. I'm so glad that you found AM! and that they came at that time in your life, I know for me, it really helped me. And you are more than welcome to PM me, i TOLD YOU YOU CAN PM ME ALL THE TIME IF YOU WANT, haha, but if you don't want to talk about it further, I respect taht, and understand, and support whichever decision you make, you're my favorite person in teh whole wide world and i'd rather see you smile then shed a tear:)

Cenaco wrote:

Wow, i'm so sorry to hear of your losses. But what's even stranger, is my grandfather died when I was three, and when I was around 9 or so my best friend, Maria, past away, and instantly when you started talking about your story, I was reminded of this. I know how you feel, (or can at least sympathize/understand, since no one can truly comprehend the depth/level of complexity in the mind of another in my opinion), and I too struggle having remember the loss of so many people in my life, and not just because of their death, but maybe through loss of communication, or something that drove us our separate ways. I'm so glad that you found AM! and that they came at that time in your life, I know for me, it really helped me. And you are more than welcome to PM me, i TOLD YOU YOU CAN PM ME ALL THE TIME IF YOU WANT, haha, but if you don't want to talk about it further, I respect taht, and understand, and support whichever decision you make, you're my favorite person in teh whole wide world and i'd rather see you smile then shed a tear:)

Damn, I don;t know what to say about those last sentences, you're too sweet and thank you so much!!! and i too sympathize for your losses and well, the losses that all of us on this forum have dealt with. and as for your parenthesized sentence above, I've said that same thing nuuuuumerous times before.

Daggar Slade wrote:

Cenaco wrote:

Wow, i'm so sorry to hear of your losses. But what's even stranger, is my grandfather died when I was three, and when I was around 9 or so my best friend, Maria, past away, and instantly when you started talking about your story, I was reminded of this. I know how you feel, (or can at least sympathize/understand, since no one can truly comprehend the depth/level of complexity in the mind of another in my opinion), and I too struggle having remember the loss of so many people in my life, and not just because of their death, but maybe through loss of communication, or something that drove us our separate ways. I'm so glad that you found AM! and that they came at that time in your life, I know for me, it really helped me. And you are more than welcome to PM me, i TOLD YOU YOU CAN PM ME ALL THE TIME IF YOU WANT, haha, but if you don't want to talk about it further, I respect taht, and understand, and support whichever decision you make, you're my favorite person in teh whole wide world and i'd rather see you smile then shed a tear:)

Damn, I don;t know what to say about those last sentences, you're too sweet and thank you so much!!! and i too sympathize for your losses and well, the losses that all of us on this forum have dealt with. and as for your parenthesized sentence above, I've said that same thing nuuuuumerous times before.

well said, Signor Daggar, well said. *hugs for you and for everyone on the forum*. And why am I not surprised? We're attached at the brain, so of course you've said that before...because I've asid it too!