JOKES

What's the difference between a pile of dead babies and a merc?


















I don't have a merc in my garage

What's harder than shovelling a pile of dead babies?







































Shovelling a pile of dead babies with a hard on

Whats the difference between a baby and an onion?















I don't cry when I cut up a baby.

What's funnier than a dead baby?






































A dead baby in a clown costume

wooow
any other jokes beside baby ones?

Why is Helen Keller a terrible driver?























shes a woman

OMG SEXUALIST! I DISLIKE SEXUALISM!

lol that was a funny one.




how do you turn a fox into an elephant??




















marry her.

What did God say when he created Adam?

I can do better than this.

-womens rights


-whats worse then a dead baby in a trash bag? the same dead baby in 3 trash bags.

the WNBA

What do you call a man with no arms or legs hanging on your wall ?




.... Art




What do you call a man with no arms or legs in your mailbox?




..... Bill




What do you call a man with no arms or legs on your front porch ?





.... Matt




What do you call a woman with one leg?




.... Ilene




and if she's Chinese ?




..... Irene





What do call a dog with no legs ?




... it doesn't matter, he won't come anyway.

whats the opposite of christopher reeve


christopher walken

How do you make a dead baby float?
Take your foot off of it's head.

What's the difference between a dead baby and a trampoline?
When you jump on a trampoline, you take your boots off.

why'd the fridge fall out of the tree?
koala pushed it.


why'd the koala fall out of the tree?
tied to the fridge.


why'd the second koala fall out of the tree?
tied to the first koala.


why'd the third koala fall out of the tree?
thought it was a game and joined in.


why'd the wombat die?
a fridge fell on him.

A man went into his doctors office wearing "saran" wrap for underwear. His Dr. says to him...


"I can clearly see your NUTS"

There was a scientist that created a clone of himself, it worked perfectly except the clone for some reason had a foul mouth, and everytime the scientist went out he would get in trouble for something the clone had said.

so the scientist walked the clone to the top of a very tall bridge, and pushed him over the railing.

later that evening the police showed up at his door and arrested him for.....


""making an obscene clone fall""

Have you seen Helen Keller's dog?































































She hasn't either.

A guy goes to the supermarket and notices an attractive woman waving at him. She says hello. He’s rather taken aback because he can’t place where he knows her from.

So he says, ‘Do you know me?’

To which she replies, ‘I think you’re the father of one of my kids.’

Now his mind travels back to the only time he has ever been unfaithful to his wife and says,

‘Are you the stripper from the bachelor party that I made love to on the pool table with all my buddies watching while your partner whipped my butt with wet celery???’

She looks into his eyes and says calmly, ‘No, I’m your son’s teacher.’

--------------


Three women: one engaged, one married, and one a mistress, chatting
about their relationships and decide to amaze their men....that night all
three will wear a leather bodice S&M style, stilettos and mask over their
eyes .

After a few days they meet again.....

The engaged girlfriend said: 'The other night, when my boyfriend came
back home, he found me in the leather bodice, 4'' stilettos and mask. He
said, 'You are the woman of my life, I love you, then we made love all night
long.'

The mistress stated: 'Oh Yes! The other night we met in the office.
I was wearing the leather bodice, mega stilettos, mask over my eyes and a
raincoat. When I opened the raincoat, he didn't say a word. We just had
wild sex all night.'

The married one then said: 'The other night I sent the kids to stay
at my mother's for the night, I got myself ready, leather bodice, super
stilettos and mask over my eyes. My husband came in from work, grabbed the
TV controller and a beer, and said, 'Hey Batman, what's for dinner ?'

----------------

What do get you throw a baby down the stairs?









I don't know about you, but I get an erection.

(Too much?)








What did Helen Keller name her dog?









ALSKJ!~! @$ BN!

Haha that is fuuuuucked.

How many flies does it take to screw in a light bulb?


Two, but how did they get in there?

This man decides to take a hike through the woods. He travels for a good 3 or 4 miles passing trees, rabbits, deer, frogs, etc, etc, until he approaches a very long fence. He examines the fence and appreciates it's craft, quality and beauty. He decides to travel along the fence to see if he can find what it could lead to. About 10 minutes later he comes to a pub. He decides he could use a drink, so he goes in.

"Hey, barkeep. I'd like one lager."
"Sounds good." The bartender hands him his drink.
"Say... You like that there beer?" asks the bartender.
"Yes, it's mighty fine," replies the man.
"Yeah, you think my nick name'd be something along the lines of 'Beer Maker,' but no, they don't call me that here." The man continues to sip his drink.
"Did you see that fence on your way up here?" The bartender asks.
"Why, yes I did."
"How'd you like that piece of work, eh? You see, I made that fence with my own two hands, but no, they don't call me 'The Fence Maker.'" The man continues to sip his drink.
The bar tender traces a circles around the entire area with his finger, "You like this place? Built it myself, too, but they sure as heck don't call me 'The Pub Maker,' but, hell, I fuck ONE GOAT...!!!"

Who is your REAL FRIEND?

This really works...!
If you don't believe it, just try this experiment.

Put your dog and your spouse (or good friend) in the trunk of the car - leave them locked up for an hour.

When you open the trunk, which one is really happy to see you?